


Reality Checks and Ignorance

by bubbly_turtle333



Series: The Ollie They Lost Isn’t The One They Found [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Oliver Queen Has PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-12 23:51:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20572997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbly_turtle333/pseuds/bubbly_turtle333
Summary: When Ollie was away, Thea thought she had it bad. She has no idea what he went through.





	1. Thea’s Reality Check

**Author's Note:**

> Going to be one more chapter after this. Unless you want me to continue?

“Away? You weren’t away, Ollie. You died! My brother and my dad died! I went to your funerals! Mom had Walter, and I had no one!” 

Oliver laughed. “Oh really? You had no one? In case you’ve forgotten, I was the one stuck on an uncharted island! I’ll admit that I lied. I wasn’t completely alone. Some terrorists had a camp on the island. They liked to torture me when they got bored. That’s where I got my scars.”

All anger and frustration had fled as Thea gazed up at her undead brother with sympathetic eyes. “Ollie…”

He put his hand up and interrupted her. “No. I’m not done. So you were “alone” here, and I was not alone, but surrounded by torturous psychopaths who liked to watch the privileged white boy scream. I think you’re forgetting something else as well. I lost dad too.”

Oliver had a short internal debate about whether he should tell Thea the truth of their father’s death, but ultimately decided to just tell the short version that didn’t involve murder or suicide. 

“You went to his funeral? Well guess what else I haven’t told anyone? Dad made it to the life raft with me, then a few days later he died. I drifted for two more days with dads corpse before I reached the island.”

He could see Thea was shaking, and if he paid more attention he would have noticed that he was as well, but there was more he needed to say, so he continued. 

“When I got to the island I buried him in rocks. That was the best funeral I could give the man who raised me. And while you sat on a velvet couch under a soft blanket eating gourmet ice cream, I fought for my life. I didn’t even get a chance to mourn, because I was so focused on not dying myself!”

Thea moved to lower herself to a chair, unsure if she could trust her legs not to collapse under her. 

“I fought so hard for five years Thea, thinking that you may have lost dad, but maybe you could still have me. If I could survive long enough to make it back. You, mom, and Laurel are the only reasons I kept fighting. The only reasons I put up with the knife carving into my stomach, the whip leaving welts across my back, the electric shocks that left me shaking, and the hundred other painful things I endured.”

Thea couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks as she realized what Oliver had been through. 

“So imagine how it felt to come back and find Laurel wishes I was dead, mom expects me to be CEO, you felt closer to me when I wasn’t here, and Tommy is with Laurel. I have honestly wished multiple times that I could just go back to the island. Because at least when I was there, I still somehow believed you all cared about me.”

Thea softened as she realized Oliver was done talking, and as she lifted her gaze she saw three figures standing in the doorway. Laurel, Tommy, and Moira. 

Oliver however hadn’t noticed much other than how difficult it was to suck in a breath. 

Thea, Laurel and Moira were outright crying, verging on sobbing, while Tommy definitely had a few tear stains. Surprisingly though, Oliver’s laboured breathing seemed to be the only thing off about him, and even that was quickly becoming more controlled. 

“Oh Ollie…” Laurel breathed out between sobs. 

“When the hell did you guys get there?” Any trace of possible vulnerability was gone and Oliver was once again wearing his stone mask. “How much of that did you guys hear?”

It was Tommy that managed to collect himself enough to reply. “Enough to feel so sorry for the way we’ve been treating you.”

Oliver turned away in an attempt to shield himself from all the pain and guilt that surrounded him. This was his fault. He had hurt all his friends and driven them to tears. Some morbid little voice in the back of his mind whispered “at least you didn’t kill anyone.” And he relaxed ever so minutely it was imperceptible to everyone else in the room. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m just overreacting. I got so used to not trusting anyone. Calling everyone the enemy. Now that I have friends and family back, I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Moira stepped towards her son in an effort to get him to turn towards her. “No honey, it’s not your fault. We haven’t been cutting you enough slack. I’m so sorry sweety please know that we’re so glad you’re home.” 

Finally Oliver turned around, extremely hesitantly, to look at his mom. However, when his eyes drifted past her to Laurel crying in the doorway, he quickly lowered his gaze. “I’m so sorry Laurel. For everything. You’ve earned the right to hate me. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and Sara. But the island was my punishment. It was five years of absolute hell.”

Oliver’s voice broke on the last word and Laurel looked up just enough to see tear stains adorning Oliver’s cheeks. 

“I know nothing can really make up for this, and you don’t have to forgive me, but I just want you to know how sorry I am.” 

By the end of his speech he was choking back sobs and had to sit down before his legs collapsed. 

“I haven’t slept more than two hours a night since I got back. I can barely eat without feeling sick. I brush up against a stranger in public and have to restrain myself so my reflexes don’t take over and decapitate them.”

“It’s ok Ollie. We’re here for you.” Tommy spoke up before Laurel could. “If you need anything, you can talk to us.” Oliver nodded but kept his head down. 

“Dammit!” Everyone looked up to see Moira getting a call. “Hello? Yes! Yes of course! Alright, thank you!” The group watched her expectantly. 

“I completely forgot we have a dinner to go to! Thea honey go put on a dress. Ollie do you think you can come?” Oliver steeled himself so that his face was so emotionless it actually scared those watching. 

“Yes of course mother. I’ll go get changed.” He left the room without another word, Thea hesitantly following suit. 

“I forgive him.” Tommy and Moira looked at Laurel in surprise. 

“I don’t hate him. I’ve been pretending I did because it’s easier on me, but it’s harder on him, and I don’t think I can do that anymore.”

Moira internally breathed a sigh of relief, as she knew how much it ate away at Oliver that one of his best friends hated him. It seemed like a good sign. Maybe things really could get better.


	2. Investors’ Ignorance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver barely holds it together when left alone with a table of ignorant QC investors.

The dinner had been going great. Moira was sure she had already landed the investors and they hadn’t even ordered yet. 

Every time one of them asked Oliver a question about his time on the island, she could deflect it before he even had to answer. 

Then Moira and Thea went to the washroom. 

“So kid, is it true you weren’t actually alone on that island?” The question caught Ollie off guard and he found himself wishing he were a better liar.

“I’d prefer not to talk about my time away.” He tried to sound nonchalant but everyone could hear the ever so slight hint of panic in his voice. 

“You know what’s funny,” one of the men began, “You always say ‘my time away’. Never, ‘my time on the island’. Makes you wonder how much you were actually on the island.”

Oliver’s panic went from 1-100 within moments. Logically he was aware that there was no way this man knew he had been off the island for part of the time he was away, but somewhere in his mind whispered otherwise. 

The man was just very observant and the statement hadn’t actually been an interrogation. But in Oliver’s head all he could think is that somehow this man knew about his time with ARGUS, and the Bratva, and at any second he could tell everyone at the table. 

He managed to steel his face for the time being, as he replied, “Where else would I have been? In case you haven’t heard that island doesn’t exactly let you come and go as you please.” 

Oliver was completely emotionless and it left the other people at the table unsure how to act. 

However they weren’t stunned for long. “So if you were alone on the island the whole time how did you get so many scars?”

Oliver really didn’t want the world to know he was tortured, but he also knew that he was a very bad liar. He gripped the table cloth as his breathing quickened. 

“As I already said, I prefer not to discuss my time on the island.” He managed to get the sentence out through gritted teeth and hoped it sounded much more nonchalant than he felt. 

“Ah, so now it’s ‘on the island’” one of the investors smirked. All of them seemed completely oblivious to Oliver’s extreme discomfort. 

“Hey, maybe some of his scars really are self-inflicted.” Oliver closed his eyes and took a moment to reel in his anger. 

“There were many wild animals on the island and in the water that surrounded it. There’s also the fact that I fell down a cliff multiple times and didn’t exactly have polysporin and sterile gauze to prevent scarring.”

All of the things he said were true, which is why he could say them so easily. Technically he wasn’t lying. Even if he had omitted the real source of most of his scars. 

“You seeing a therapist? I mean, you must feel horrible survivors guilt. Especially for that girl you brought along. Wasn’t she your girlfriends sister? And on top of that, you invited her on a boat that sank and killed her! You must have one very pissed off ex!”

This time Oliver couldn’t even answer. His mind was everywhere but in that restaurant. 

_Sara drowning as she screamed his name. Laurel saying she wished he was dead. _

Oliver could no longer breath. He screwed his eyes shut and tried desperately not to gasp for air. It was at this moment that Moira and Thea came back from the washroom. 

Immediately they could tell something was off just from the air of hostility surrounding the table. As they grew closer they caught part of the conversation. 

“...you’re dad too! Did you even bother to look for him once you got on the lifeboat?”

_BANG. The captain fell over the side of the life raft. Dad? BANG. No!_

Thea and Moira shared a glance before quickening their pace. When they reached the table Thea went straight to her brother and put a comforting arm on his shoulder. Moira returned to stand at her place at the head of the table. 

“What is going on here!” Her voice was much too loud for such a nice restaurant, but of course she had never been the best at controlling her anger when it came to her children. 

“Come on, we were just talking to the kid.” The men in question all nodded in agreement. 

“Oh really? Then would someone care to explain why my son is in the middle of a full blown panic attack?”

The table turned their attention to where Thea was crouched next to her brother, rubbing soothing circles in his back and speaking in a calm tone, “you’re ok Ollie. It’s Thea. You’re in Starling. You’re not on the island anymore. You’re safe.”

However none of this was registering with Oliver. His mind was in a different time on a different continent and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back for the time being. 

_Sara. Dad. Yao Fei. Shado. Slade. Sara. Dad. Yao Fei. Shado. Slade. Sara. _

He screwed his eyes shut and fought not to gasp for air as he felt his throat constricting more and more by the second. 

_“Time to choose Oliver. Who lives and who dies.”_

The investors had gone silent as they could hear a faint mumble. “No. No. Please don’t. Stop. Shado no. Please god no.”

A single tear ran down Oliver’s cheek as he relieved the worst moments of his life. 

_Sara. Shado. Sara. Shado. No. It should be him. Not them. Never them. _

“What the hell did you guys say to him?” Moira was absolutely fuming and everyone couldn’t help but whither under her furious gaze. 

“W-we just asked him about the island. B-barely anything really.”

Moira just glared harder. “Did you think about the fact that he has PTSD? Did you even consider that maybe talking about the island might upset him?”

The men in question chose to look anywhere but at Moira. 

Meanwhile Thea could hear Oliver’s breathing start to even out. Slowly her voice started flooding his ears. At first muffled and far away, but quickly getting clearer. Like resurfacing from deep water. 

“Hey, Ollie. It’s Thea. Deep breaths, ok? In and out. In and out.”

Oliver did his best to focus on his sister and copy her breathing and after a tense couple seconds, he hesitantly opened his eyes. 

“Oliver honey, are you ok?” He nodded firmly, not trusting his voice quite yet. 

When the investors finally worked up the courage to look at him, they were shocked to find his face completely void of emotion. He wiped the tear stain off his cheek and you could barely tell he was still recovering from a panic attack. 

He cleared his voice before announcing, “I’m going to head home if that’s alright. Thank you for…” he trailed off, stopping himself from giving the automatic reply of, “the delicious meal” or “a lovely evening.” After a moment of debate he continued. 

“Thank you for considering investing in Queen Consolidated.” His voice was completely back to normal, false arrogance and all. 

He rose and exited the restaurant in one swift movement, leaving the table in utter silence for a full two minutes before it was interrupted by their waiter.

“Are we ready to order or do we need a couple more minutes?” He was met with stunned silence. “I’ll come back in a couple minutes.”

Throughout the rest of the dinner conversation was much more strained but luckily everyone had the common sense not to bring up what had happened with Oliver. 

In the end Moira landed the investors for QC’s Applied Sciences division and even managed to get a few extra pity dollars. 

By the time the Queen women arrived back home Oliver was passed out on the couch with the news still on. Moira grabbed the remote and shut off the TV while Thea grabbed a blanket to throw over Ollie. They shared a look before sighing and retreating to their respective bedrooms. 

Oliver smiles softly to himself as he drifted off to sleep with only one thought on his mind, “I’m so lucky to be alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this one for now. Enjoy!


End file.
